I'm quite happy with that, actually. Even if I haven't been hungry at all. Just a bit when I woke up and at lunch time, but I got easily distracted and now if I only think about food I feel terribly sick.
Thought about doing another day of fasting but too afraid that my already too low metabolism will slow down even more.
I do have a headache, but it has increased just in the last hour.
So well first day of diet has gone great!
So why do I feel so numb?
So empty?
Forgot to take the pics of the current situation and to weight me. I'm not particularly happy of doing it, but I think it's gonna be a good motivation seeing how fucking fat and disgusting I am so to resist to occasional binges, so I'll do it as first thing tomorrow morning.
Today I haven't done any exercise. Yeah I'm a freaking lazy coach potato, I'm perfectly aware of that. Dunno how the time has passed today. It just did. As usual. And I usual I haven't realized it had passed until the clock told me it was 11 p.m.
I...I can't really make a complete talk right now. Sentences hardly begin in my mind and find themselves sheared. Like thousands of never born children.
I...I think I miss my boyfriend, H. We've never really been together, so it's kind of weird saying that I'm missing him, but I really feel I do. Sometimes I wish so much he was here, just to be held in those arms of him. But then I think that all this fat will make him even sicker than me and thank God that we're 20 000 km far away. Some other times I feel I'm really about to leave him. He's gorgeous. But I don't feel "enough" for him. I don't deserve him. And relationships always make me nervous.
Alright, I'm feeling too sick right now.
I'd purge, but I make a lot of horrible noises when vomiting and my parents will surely hear me.
Oh yeah, should have studied hard but haven't done anything, as usual.
I'm basically a failure, as usual.
What's the point in being happy for one day of starving when I'm so outrageously fat and insignificant?
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