Fear and Fat

BACK TO 57 KG!!!!





Yeah this is an achievement. Especially if I think it was pursued in only one week.
But I must to so much better than that.

I feel always so afraid when things start going alright. I can hear the disaster knocking on my door. "I can smell some happiness here. Things need to be sorted out".

I must say that for some reason it hasn't really been hard.
Spent the last days eating just egg whites (15 cal) one day. Light yogurt the following two(100). Then again egg whites. 
The thing that got closer to a binge was having 1 light yogurt (100) for breakfast, one of those very light soups which have only like 40 cals every 100 g for lunch and another yogurt with one spoon of cereals for dinner. 
So it's not a surprise I managed to lose weight. 

Yesterday it was very bad.
Had just one little green apple and some spoons of soup (for a tot of about 100 cals) until dinner....
then this bloody girl took me to freaking McDonald.

I BLOODY HATE FREAKING MCDONALD'S!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

it's sooooo gross!!!!

I also had a fight with H.
I thought that this time he left me for real.
This morning has been a real nightmare. 
Good thing i can't make tears run down my face or it would have been so awkward. 
I can't really understand him lately...sometimes it feels it just doesn't give a fuck.
I feel so insecure all the time...

A part of me wants to believe all this will change when I'll get skinny. Maybe I just want to believe there's a way I can escape from my life and the way it keeps going on.

I'm so afraid I'll gain again...
Today I skipped breakfast and lunch since I was feeling too sick. 
Just had 2 (arghhhh) yogurts (200)
Yeah I know it's not bad...but for some reasons I can't help panicking about it.



I just want to be skinny. I want it so bad.